The workplace might be seen as a small-scale representation of a larger society. Although all the same class, cultural, and other divisions may not necessarily exist; the politics, and at times, many of the broader individual tensions can find their way into the workplace. In light of this, it’s not surprising that many of those things that may prevent one individual from being friends with another outside the workplace might somehow affect how that individual interacts with another in the office environment. Although such tensions should be forgotten within the workplace, it can be difficult, and every now and again, an employee may say or do something which hurts another deeply–something grossly unprofessional, prejudicial, or just plainly unfair, that not only may affect their relationship with that person, but which may affect that receiver at a very personal level.
Recently a coworker told me a story about her friend who was singled out in the lunchroom of her workplace, and called a religious epithet. Unnerved, shaken, and well, feeling ostracized, my coworker’s friend was unsure what steps she could take to resolve the situation amicably—in such a way that would let the insult-hurler know how much the insult hurt her, without resorting to ‘tattle-telling.’ In the end, my coworker’s friend decided to forget the situation, unsure of what steps she could or should take in light of such unwitting malevolence. Yet, her latent uneasiness and feelings of hurt could affect her future relationship with that coworker who thought it wise to throw stones in the lunchroom. The important questions now are what should she have done to resolve the situation and what can she still do? What if a carefully framed discussion and confronting her colleague proves to be an unsuccessful means of resolution?
- HR, HR, HR. Plain and simple, HR departments exist for the purpose of resolving personnel issues and disputes (of course, HR departments do far more than this). Even though sharing your dissatisfaction with HR may leave you feeling like a ’narc,‘ your emotional stability is important, and supersedes all other considerations. If a coworker has said or done something which not only smacks of insensitivity, but which would be construed as explicitly prejudicial or harmful, contact HR as a means to open dialogue with that coworker. Bullying should not be tolerated in the workplace, and you should not feel responsible for a bully’s mistakes.
- Share your feelings with a sympathetic boss. A good boss can serve as a critical lifeline in desperate times of need. If you are not close with your boss, look for someone at work in whom you can confide and who has the power or authority to make a difference. When it is difficult to march alone to HR with issues, a sympathetic boss could represent your interests and provide important assistance.
- Remember that maintaining the status quo could make matters worse. Doing nothing is unacceptable. By doing nothing, you could actually make matters worse by emboldening that individual whose words or actions you found immensely discomforting and by fostering an underlying tension between you and that individual, which could make it even more difficult to work with him or her.
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